Guy Fieri's NY Restaurant Opens This Weekend, Has An Obnoxious Menu

Guy Fieri's Times Square restaurant Guy Fieri's American Kitchen and Bar is scheduled to open this weekend in New York City.  The dress code is sleeves optional, and sunglasses inside required.  Grubstreet has a copy of the restaurant menu on their site, and it is full of way too many adjectives and Guy Fieri slang.  Lets take a look at some of the dishes and descriptions:

• Pulled Pork Slyders
  Our righteous rotisserie pulled pork tossed with Guy's Signature Bourbon
  Brown Sugar BBQ sauce topped with fresh slaw on sweet Hawaiian rolls.

Y for the slyder, and they are righteous... Great.  How come they aren't ryghteous?

• Guy-talian Nachos
  Guy’s all-star meaty, cheesy nachos packed with sweet Italian turkey sausage,
  ground beef, pepperoni, piquante peppers, ricotta crema, cheese + fresh herbs
  on fried pasta chips. 

What is a Guy-talian?  An Italian that changes his real name to an Italian name to make himself seem more Italian?

• Sweet Heat “Cali”-mari  
Some of the best calamari you'll ever try… Lightly breaded & seasoned, fried, tender + sweet garlic and pepperoncini chili sauce.

I see what you did here.  "Cali" in quotes because you grew up there.  Genius

• Vegas Fries
Extra crispy, natural cut fries tossed in house made Buffalo sauce, served with bleu-sabi dipping sauce. A throw-back to Guy's UNLV day's!

Blue-sabi and throw-back... Moving right along.

• Guy’s Big Bite Burger
Guy’s Pat LaFrieda custom blend, all-natural Creekstones Farm black Angus
beef patty, LTOP (lettuce, tomato, onion + pickle), SMC (super-melty-cheese)
and a slathering of Donkey sauce on garlic-buttered brioche.

LTOP and SMC.  I can't just have regular cheese or melted cheese on my burgers.  It has to be super-melty.  Don't forget the Donkey sauce, whatever that is.  Maybe you should get a Donkey punch for eating there.

• Slamma Jamma Chicken Parm
  Panko breaded natural chicken breast, whole-milk mozzarella, penne pasta +
  house made marinara.

Breaded chicken, mozzarella, pasta, and sauce... I seem to be missing where the Slamma Jamma comes into play.

• Salted Whiskey Caramel Fool
  Sea salt whiskey caramel, macerated strawberries, toasted pound cake, fresh
  whipped cream + pecans

I think the only 'Fool's' are the people that choose to eat there over all of the other restaurants New York has to offer.  Or should I say "Fewls?"

Image courtesy of NYPost