Friday, September 7, 2012

Guy Fieri's NY Restaurant Opens This Weekend, Has An Obnoxious Menu

Guy Fieri New York Restaurant
Guy Fieri's Times Square restaurant Guy Fieri's American Kitchen and Bar is scheduled to open this weekend in New York City.  The dress code is sleeves optional, and sunglasses inside required.  Grubstreet has a copy of the restaurant menu on their site, and it is full of way too many adjectives and Guy Fieri slang.  Lets take a look at some of the dishes and descriptions:

  • Pulled Pork Slyders
    Our righteous rotisserie pulled pork tossed with Guy's Signature Bourbon
    Brown Sugar BBQ sauce topped with fresh slaw on sweet Hawaiian rolls.

Y for the slyder, and they are righteous... Great.  How come they aren't ryghteous?

  • Guy-talian Nachos
    Guy’s all-star meaty, cheesy nachos packed with sweet Italian turkey sausage,
    ground beef, pepperoni, piquante peppers, ricotta crema, cheese + fresh herbs
    on fried pasta chips. 

What is a Guy-talian?  An Italian that changes his real name to an Italian name to make himself seem more Italian?

  • Sweet Heat “Cali”-mari  
  • Some of the best calamari you'll ever try… Lightly breaded & seasoned, fried, tender + sweet garlic and pepperoncini chili sauce.

I see what you did here.  "Cali" in quotes because you grew up there.  Genius

  • Vegas Fries
  • Extra crispy, natural cut fries tossed in house made Buffalo sauce, served with bleu-sabi dipping sauce. A throw-back to Guy's UNLV day's!

Blue-sabi and throw-back... Moving right along.

  • Guy’s Big Bite Burger
  • Guy’s Pat LaFrieda custom blend, all-natural Creekstones Farm black Angus
    beef patty, LTOP (lettuce, tomato, onion + pickle), SMC (super-melty-cheese)
    and a slathering of Donkey sauce on garlic-buttered brioche

LTOP and SMC.  I can't just have regular cheese or melted cheese on my burgers.  It has to be super-melty.  Don't forget the Donkey sauce, whatever that is.  Maybe you should get a Donkey punch for eating there.

  • Slamma Jamma Chicken Parm
    Panko breaded natural chicken breast, whole-milk mozzarella, penne pasta +
    house made marinara.

Breaded chicken, mozzarella, pasta, and sauce... I seem to be missing where the Slamma Jamma comes into play.

  • Salted Whiskey Caramel Fool
    Sea salt whiskey caramel, macerated strawberries, toasted pound cake, fresh
    whipped cream + pecans

I think the only 'Fool's' are the people that choose to eat there over all of the other restaurants New York has to offer.  Or should I say "Fewls?"

Image courtesy of NYPost


  1. Whoever runs this site sure has a hard-on for talking sh?i about the food network. This "article" really highlights that fact.

  2. No joke Brimac, sounds like good food! Play up the reasons why Guy is popular, that sounds like a good business plan. Taking this guy's suggestions would be like drafting Michael Jordan and not playing him! Come on man, get over yourself!

  3.  Enjoy your meal there Brimac and Astros

  4. This menu reminds me of Tom Haverford's food nicknames on Parks and Recreation. Chickie Chickie Parm Parm!

  5. Seriously.  Who defends Guy Fieri but those with seriously challenged palates?